I sat down a little while ago with a lot on my mind and really didn’t know where to start or how to begin in putting down thoughts that raced through my mind. Even now, I don’t really know where this may go, because there are some feelings that I can not put out there for people to read and possibly take out of context. But I knew I had to start somewhere. I find myself thinking a lot of big matters of life, mainly with situations in my own personal life, but by the time I actually sit down to process them and want to write them down, a lot of the “hard” meaning has left my brain. I didn’t want that to happy this time. I woke up this morning in good spirits and feeling the wonderful cool air outside was so refreshing. But I immediately went about my day, without really stopping to thank God, first. It, sadly, wasn’t until I got online to check my facebook, emails, etc. that I stopped and thought, “wow, Thank you Lord for everything you have done”…It was like I had to check and make sure the rest of the world was doing okay before I could stop and thank him. This is certainly not how my day should have started. I have to constantly remind myself that God comes first in EVERY situation. Not that I don’t want him to come first…I really do, but so many times we as people/humans put the “worldly life” before remembering and thanking God…for he gave us all of this! I have had some great things happen over the past few weeks and I am so thankful for the lessons God is allowing me to learn. A lot of the time the lessons are not easy but I know they are necessary. Like in my earlier post, God has a funny way of doing things sometimes. Just when I think I have lost all hope, He shows up just in the nick of time. I think a lot of us can vouch for that. Then I sit back and wonder, why did it have to happen this way? A few days later…I know why. God has always shown himself to me in amazing ways throughout my whole life. Growing up hasn’t always been easy. I know he has been with me throughout the whole process, but there have been times when I questioned his “being there”. I hate to say that, but I think that we all go through that at some point in our lives. Over the past few months I have been discovering a lot about my family and how we act as a family and the dynamics that work within the function of this family. Not only have I been doing this with family, but also friends, co-workers, relationships in general, church…etc. I have so many thoughts in my head about all of this and don’t really know what to do with them now. There are a lot of concerns and possibly a few doubts in some of the mentions (as above) but I have to keep moving forward and give all my worries and concerns to God. I know he will not lead me down the wrong path. I have struggled with a specific issue over the past few days which include people in the church. I am a ministry leader and also on a worship team. I LOVE my ministry and love singing. But is there such thing as being “overloaded”? I think so. I come back to my first love, God. Then I go to what he called me to do first….be in the ministry. Which ministry first…young adults. This is what I am doing. I took two weeks to go visit family, friends, explore, find out more about my inner self, and to reflect and sit and listen directly to God. Just so happens I was gone two Sundays from my church. I miss and love my church home greatly, but the devil sure has a good way of sneaking in and using your own absence to get at you. Where as I was growing and learning in a lot of areas, some people began to question if I was slipping away because I was gone for two Sundays. At a point during the night, I began to feel as if I had to go and prove that I have not loss sight of my God, nor have I slipped away. I prayed that people would see that I have grown…but no matter what people see or say or have said, I also began to realize and know that God has seen, he knows because He brought me through this time. Even though I “felt” as if I may have to prove something, in all honesty, I don’t! And praise God for it. God takes care of me. Not people, not my family, not my friends, not myself…He is in control. I will walk by His word and do as He asks me to do. I love the fact that I am missed by my church. I love that people ask about me and wonder where I am. It is nice to have a church that is like family. But with all family there are some problems. I had to let go and totally let God last night. This is a testimony for me. The devil tried to let me think that all these people were doubting me…But God said no. Praises to God be the Glory! He gave me a peace again in the ministry. I am now re-energized and ready to get back to work. These past two weeks have been wonderful. I have been able to rest well, rejuvenate, spend alone time with God, meet new people, discover myself in a new light, think harder, dwell on wonderful things, let some things go, I received revelation, and am now moving forward. I now have yet another story to share with others in the glory of my “walk with God, in my life!”
I know I kind of got off into a little rant of a “then” issue that WAS bothering me, but there are so many good things that need to be shared to. I am learning about how I function under circumstances. Unfortunately, I am a little more sensitive than some others. But God is teaching me how to use my “sensitive” spirit and instead of taking every little “bad thing, correction, talk…etc” to heart, turn it around and be most sensitive to those things He brings me to and to those people that need someone to show them how to loosen their walls. I can put up walls against the devil. Oh how he knows to get to me. But I refuse to let him now. My stresses will come down. My fears will come down. God will take care of me and I will let Him stay in control. He has already gone in front of me. My path is laid out. It is up to me to finish the walk…the same walk that God has already gone ahead before me and laid out. I know there will be hard days, temptations, scary times…But to what is my greatest reward …Heaven! God is allowing me to see how I react under certain circumstances when it comes down to life matters. It was like he took me out of my own body when I was in the midst of a “breakdown” over a stressed matter, and I saw how upset I was, how I hurt, how I cried…how I didn’t run into the arms of Jesus. What an amazing eye opener! Have you ever seen yourself do exactly what you knew NOT to do. He showed me that all I had to do was go to him. With EVERYTHING. Literally! I have known this my whole life, I have grown up knowing this, being told this…but as we as humans often do, we forget. We forget or try to make excuses. We are in need to be reminded OFTEN that God has made himself available for us and we have to do nothing but ask! How precious! I am reminded again of the song I wrote about yesterday…”The more I see you, The more I find you, The more I find you, The more I love you!” No truer of a song than that one. It goes on to say “I wanna sit at your feet, drink from the cup in your hands, lay back against you and breath, feel your heartbeat, this love is so deep, its more than I can stand, I melt in your peace, its overwhelming.” I wanna live that everyday! Imagine sitting at the feet of Jesus, drinking from the cup in his hand, feeling his heartbeat, and him NEVER turning you away. Wow! We have to constantly remind ourselves, because how easy is it to forget when the devil tries to sway you away, that God is there, right there next to us to help us in every situation. He is there to hold us, to love us, to comfort us. If you seek him still, long enough, I promise you, you will feel his presence…holding you. I love that feeling. Sometimes it is almost as if you are outside your body and your numb. But you can’t move because the embrace is so tight. What an amazing feeling. “I was running and you found me, I was blinded and you gave me sight, I was broken and you healed me, I was dying and you gave me life, Lord you are my identity…I know who I am!” –Israel New Breed. I love that song to. Its on my playlist on this blog. Possibly if you have stuck with me and read this far, you may have already heard it J (hehe).
My heart aches for those who do not know God. I cry out for those who do not know…for mercy to be placed on their lives. For them to feel the presence and want to know what it is because deep down they know it is like none they have ever seen, heard , or felt before. As you can see, he has surely brought me through some major things in life. From the smallest (like feeling as if you are doubted by God’s people) to the biggest (like wondering if God is real), he WILL NEVER leave your side!
Now here I am broke, no job, no money, stressed, and was worried about all of these "earthly" things, BUT How amazing is He.
I pray that all of you who have read this entry will take it for what it is. I am a follower of God, and at certain times, he allows me to share what has been on my mind and heart.
Just trust God…he will always come through for you!
No comments:
Post a Comment