Missing Chris

My boyfriend left for Memphis, TN yesterday for a few weeks of training for his new job, and I miss him! He is such a wonderful, christian man. God has really blessed me through meeting him and by giving me the chance to be apart of his life. For so long I had been looking out for a man that fit my "need list". And here goes God, just when I am about to just say "oh well...maybe in a few years"...He drops Chris in my lap. Not literally, that might hurt :) But it has truly been a blessing. Chris is my 6'9 teddy bear! He makes me feel safe and loved. His caring spirit is so refreshing. He is a hard worker and will do anything he has to do to make sure things are taken care of. I am so thankful, even for the heartaches, that brought me to this point. So many things in my life that I have been questioning over the past year are coming together and I am feeling more at ease with situations. Ahhh...I just wanna keep smiling. He always makes me smile. He is always so patient with me. He listens to me and genuinely cares and loves me! He is a God fearing man and I have been so blessed by him.

Oh boy, I could go on and on...I am missing him bad tonight. :(
Cant wait until he is home!

Jesus Must Have Big Arms...Rest In Them!

I sat down a little while ago with a lot on my mind and really didn’t know where to start or how to begin in putting down thoughts that raced through my mind.  Even now, I don’t really know where this may go, because there are some feelings that I can not put out there for people to read and possibly take out of context. But I knew I had to start somewhere. I find myself thinking a lot of big matters of life, mainly with situations in my own personal life, but by the time I actually sit down to process them and want to write them down, a lot of the “hard” meaning has left my brain. I didn’t want that to happy this time. I woke up this morning in good spirits and feeling the wonderful cool air outside was so refreshing. But I immediately went about my day, without really stopping to thank God, first. It, sadly, wasn’t until I got online to check my facebook, emails, etc. that I stopped and thought, “wow, Thank you Lord for everything you have done”…It was like I had to check and make sure the rest of the world was doing okay before I could stop and thank him. This is certainly not how my day should have started. I have to constantly remind myself that God comes first in EVERY situation. Not that I don’t want him to come first…I really do, but so many times we as people/humans put the “worldly life” before remembering and thanking God…for he gave us all of this! I have had some great things happen over the past few weeks and I am so thankful for the lessons God is allowing me to learn. A lot of the time the lessons are not easy but I know they are necessary.  Like in my earlier post, God has a funny way of doing things sometimes. Just when I think I have lost all hope, He shows up just in the nick of time. I think a lot of us can vouch for that. Then I sit back and wonder, why did it have to happen this way? A few days later…I know why. God has always shown himself to me in amazing ways throughout my whole life. Growing up hasn’t always been easy. I know he has been with me throughout the whole process, but there have been times when I questioned his “being there”. I hate to say that, but I think that we all go through that at some point in our lives. Over the past few months I have been discovering a lot about my family and how we act as a family and the dynamics that work within the function of this family. Not only have I been doing this with family, but also friends, co-workers, relationships in general, church…etc. I have so many thoughts in my head about all of this and don’t really know what to do with them now. There are a lot of concerns and possibly a few doubts in some of the mentions (as above) but I have to keep moving forward and give all my worries and concerns to God. I know he will not lead me down the wrong path. I have struggled with a specific issue over the past few days which include people in the church. I am a ministry leader and also on a worship team. I LOVE my ministry and love singing. But is there such thing as being “overloaded”? I think so. I come back to my first love, God. Then I go to what he called me to do first….be in the ministry. Which ministry first…young adults. This is what I am doing. I took two weeks to go visit family, friends, explore, find out more about my inner self, and to reflect and sit and listen directly to God. Just so happens I was gone two Sundays from my church. I miss and love my church home greatly, but the devil sure has a good way of sneaking in and using your own absence to get at you. Where as I was growing and learning in a lot of areas, some people began to question if I was slipping away because I was gone for two Sundays. At a point during the night, I began to feel as if I had to go and prove that I have not loss sight of my God, nor have I slipped away. I prayed that people would see that I have grown…but no matter what people see or say or have said, I also began to realize and know that God has seen, he knows because He brought me through this time. Even though I “felt” as if I may have to prove something, in all honesty, I don’t! And praise God for it. God takes care of me. Not people, not my family, not my friends, not myself…He is in control. I will walk by His word and do as He asks me to do. I love the fact that I am missed by my church. I love that people ask about me and wonder where I am. It is nice to have a church that is like family. But with all family there are some problems. I had to let go and totally let God last night. This is a testimony for me. The devil tried to let me think that all these people were doubting me…But God said no. Praises to God be the Glory! He gave me a peace again in the ministry.  I am now re-energized and ready to get back to work. These past two weeks have been wonderful. I have been able to rest well, rejuvenate,  spend alone time with God, meet new people, discover myself in a new light, think harder, dwell on wonderful things, let some things go, I received revelation, and am now moving forward. I now have yet another story to share with others in the glory of my “walk with God, in my life!” 

I know I kind of got off into a little rant of a “then” issue that WAS bothering me, but there are so many good things that need to be shared to. I am learning about how I function under circumstances. Unfortunately, I am a little more sensitive than some others. But God is teaching me how to use my “sensitive” spirit and instead of taking every little “bad thing, correction, talk…etc” to heart, turn it around and be most sensitive to those things He brings me to and to those people that need someone to show them how to loosen their walls. I can put up walls against the devil. Oh how he knows to get to me. But I refuse to let him now. My stresses will come down. My fears will come down. God will take care of me and I will let Him stay in control. He has already gone in front of me. My path is laid out. It is up to me to finish the walk…the same walk that God has already gone ahead before me and laid out. I know there will be hard days, temptations, scary times…But to what is my greatest reward …Heaven! God is allowing me to see how I react under certain circumstances when it comes down to life matters. It was like he took me out of my own body when I was in the midst of a “breakdown” over a stressed matter, and I saw how upset I was, how I hurt, how I cried…how I didn’t run into the arms of Jesus. What an amazing eye opener! Have you ever seen yourself do exactly what you knew NOT to do. He showed me that all I had to do was go to him. With EVERYTHING. Literally! I have known this my whole life, I have grown up knowing this, being told this…but as we as humans often do, we forget. We forget or try to make excuses. We are in need to be reminded OFTEN that God has made himself available for us and we have to do nothing but ask! How precious! I am reminded again of the song I wrote about yesterday…”The more I see you, The more I find you, The more I find you, The more I love you!” No truer of a song than that one. It goes on to say “I wanna sit at your feet, drink from the cup in your hands, lay back against you and breath, feel your heartbeat, this love is so deep, its more than I can stand, I melt in your peace, its overwhelming.” I wanna live that everyday! Imagine sitting at the feet of Jesus, drinking from the cup in his hand, feeling his heartbeat, and him NEVER turning you away. Wow! We have to constantly remind ourselves, because how easy is it to forget when the devil tries to sway you away, that God is there, right there next to us to help us in every situation. He is there to hold us, to love us, to comfort us. If you seek him still, long enough, I promise you, you will feel his presence…holding you. I love that feeling. Sometimes it is almost as if you are outside your body and your numb. But you can’t move because the embrace is so tight. What an amazing feeling. “I was running and you found me, I was blinded and you gave me sight, I was broken and you healed me, I was dying and you gave me life, Lord you are my identity…I know who I am!” –Israel New Breed. I love that song to. Its on my playlist on this blog. Possibly if you have stuck with me and read this far, you may have already heard it J (hehe). 

My heart aches for those who do not know God. I cry out for those who do not know…for mercy to be placed on their lives. For them to feel the presence and want to know what it is because deep down they know it is like none they have ever seen, heard , or felt before. As  you can see, he has surely brought me through some major things in life. From the smallest (like feeling as if you are doubted by God’s people) to the biggest (like wondering if God is real), he WILL NEVER leave your side! 

Now here I am broke, no job, no money, stressed, and was worried about all of these "earthly" things, BUT How amazing is He. 

I pray that all of you who have read this entry will take it for what it is. I am a follower of God, and at certain times, he allows me to share what has been on my mind and heart. 

Just trust God…he will always come through for you!

All Good Things Black and White

God Is In Every Story

I caught one! haha..jk jk. Me with the bait!

So, for the past few weeks I have taken a break from my "everyday life" and have gone on a few trips, saw family and good friends, and have spent a lot of time thinking and spending time figuring out a few things about my life, as well as enjoying my time relaxing and enjoying good company. Needless to say, I have really enjoyed myself. I have traveled a little bit and I always love that. I have learned some new things and am grateful to God for them. Yesterday I travled with Chris and his brother Jonathan to Perdido Key, Florida to a condo there where their mom and several ladies from their church were there for a singles retreat. It was beautiful there! So windy though. But I think we were outside for most of the day! Wouldn't have traded my wind-burnt face for nothing! LOL. We got down there early-mid morning. The condo was beautiful. And let me tell you about this master  bedroom...My good Lord. It was HUGE. And I made several notes of it so that one day I could have one! hehe. After taking a tour, getting settled, I took some pictures of the ladies and had some fellowship. Jonathan took some really good pics of Chris and I. I will have those up in a few days when I get them from him. But anyway, we decided we would try to fish. Boy was that an adventure. It was SO windy and choppy. Nothing was biting. Finally after giving up, Chris and I went into town for Asian food for lunch then back to the condo for a really nice evening just enjoying each others company, taking pics and videos, and lots of laughter. Have I mentioned that I really like him...?

Yummm LOL

After a fun filled day, we ended the day out with a wonderful dinner with everyone and worship. It was beautiful. God kept reminding me throughout everything that was going on at that time "The more you seek me, the more you will find me, the more you find me, the more you will love me"...How awesome! Ms.Patricia in particular was a huge blessing to me. I won't go into detail about what went on but God showed himself there in that condo, in Perdido Key Florida...who would have thought? This just reminded me that we serve a limitless God, a God of wonders, a un-selfish God, a mysterious God, and a God with humor. His ways are so unpredictable. One lady signed to a song about following Gods plan and submitting to what he wants us to be. That was so uplifting! And another did a praise dance that was beautiful to a song about going and looking everywhere, in the deepest valleys, friends, etc. and not finding ANYONE like God. This is so true. We spend so much time going and searching for someone or something to out do him and to make excuses...and we always end up back with Him. I can tell you this...I love being around some spirit led people! It is so refreshing. To be in a environment that is created by his people where he can just come in and dwell. "Something about the name Jesus"...just like my last post.

I hope you enjoy these pics and videos!

This is the burial of one of millions of Jellyfish that were washed up on shore due to massive wind currents, sadly they all died.

The massive bedroom i was telling you about...there is still more behind me...lol.

One of the Jellyfish

Jonathan and Chris looking at the Jelly's

me on the spiral staircase

Poor menos...they were fish bait

Look at the pretty pink in them...

Getting the poles ready

This was a SMALL portion of what we saw!

J fishing

The Sweetest Name I know

There is something about the name Jesus
Something about the name Jesus. It is the sweetest name I know
Oh how I love the name Jesus, Oh how I love the name Jesus
It is the sweetest name I know.

Some people say I'm crazy but, I can't explain the power that I feel when I call your name ( when I call your name) said it's just like fire shut-up in my bones. The holy ghost is moving (yes it is) and just won't leave me alone. There's something

Said it's sweeter than honey from a honeycomb. I can fell the holy ghost moving and it won't leave won't leave me alone (no, no, no, no, no, nooo) at the name of Jesus (ooohhh) every knee has got to bow (got to bow) so you don't have to wait till the fire comes you can call on him shout praise him do it right now.

  Something about the name Jesus, something about the name Jesus. It is the sweetest name I know Oh how I love the name Jesus , Oh how I love the name Jesus. It is the sweetest name I know, I know, I know, I knoooowwwwww

It is the sweetest name I knooooowwwwwww

Oh I love the name Jesus (Jesus)
oh (oh)
oh (oh)
Jesus

Catching Up

Hello again! It has been a little bit since I have written so I am back. I keep telling myself that I am going to keep up with this more. But, I assume most of you know how that goes. I like writing on here, just don't seem to have enough time in a day. But recently I have had a lot going on. Been to Mississippi for the past 3 weekends to spend time with Chris and his family. Helping with a baby shower, birthday party, taking pictures, working around the house...yada yada yada. This past Monday however, Chris finally got to come to Mobile to meet my family. Unfortunately my dad was at work in New Orleans, but he got the pleasure of meeting mom and Jared. LOL. I think things went pretty well. I know I enjoyed myself and I am, although nervous, excited to see what God brings to this new relationship. I can honestly say this is the first man that I have ever been in a relationship with that is "the same" all the time. His attitude and persona has not changed once since I met him...a long time ago! Some of you may say "what? a long time ago?"...Yes, roughly. I don't know the exact time frame however, but around that time we met on a online site. Think it's weird? Well, so what. Ha. Like most single people I was out looking for "a dating" scene and tried the online thing. At that time I started emailing with Chris and we talked for a little while, then do to unfortunate circumstances and family situations, we lost touch. I went into another relationship, which obviously failed, and through all of that, I went back to the online site just to find people to talk to...and he was the FIRST person that came to my mind. All I could remember was that his name was Chris and that his profile name was something "giant". I was half way right. I finally found him...and about 2 months later he emailed me. All of that lead us to where we are now. God sure is funny sometimes. That's part of the reason I love him so. I am pretty sure of my distant future, what happens tomorrow I am not so sure of. Life is played out one day at a time for me as of now. With many changes coming into play, new home, family moving, new jobs, surgery, new relationship....Well, lets just say I am a little (meaning lot) stressed. But I know God will not lead me wrong. I just have to keep listening!

Here are a few pics over the last few weeks...Keep me in your prayers!

Weekend of 10-15-2011

Chris, me, and Jonathan (chris's brother)

Chris, Me, and Ms. Lois ( his mom)

Chris, His mom, and aunt at the baby shower Ms. Lois threw for a friend
(I helped with the diaper cake!...haha)

Ms.Lois having a good time with games

Chris and his mom at her "50th Birthday Party" 10-22-2011

Chris and I and our pumpkins 10-24-2011

Chris finishing up the food for his mom's bday party 10-22-2011

Jonathan giving his speech to his mom

Yucky pumpkin insides!

Our First Date 10-7-2011

Cake Chris made for dessert this weekend...LOL we kinda ran out of icing!!

Being That "Happy Girl" I Was Meant To Be

I would like to introduce you to Chris Mcgowan....

One of the bigger sources of my happiness. Between God, Chris, me learning and becoming my "own", and my parents become more of a friend as I get older...I am finding the happiness in being me, and am becoming the happy girl I was meant to be.

I am starting to realize how I truly feel about things in life. I am learning to "separate" my life from those around me and even my parents. Although they will ALWAYS be my parents, I am no longer a "child", I am their grown adult daughter. I have come to realize that I will not always do what they like, nor will I always have to have their approval. And boy, that's even a hard one to swallow as a daughter. Growing up, I always wanted to please my parents, I did everything, with a few small exceptions, with their approval. Even now, almost 22, I still act in a "I wanna make sure mom and dad dont get mad" kinda way. Where this is good behavior, it can also hinder whats really deep down inside me from coming out. I am seeing that my views are not the same on a few issues, and I am learning that I am a little more accepting of a few things than my family, in its entirety. But, its okay! I am finding joy in this! I am finding happiness in accepting that I "CAN BE DIFFERENT" than my family members. Where there is love...acceptance will follow, from both ends.

In just about two weeks, I am setting off on a journey by myself to Oklahoma and Arkansas. I will be going to one, see family and friends, but also to see what is available in those areas that I may want to adventure to. But then I also am planning on checking out Mississippi and surrounding "southern states" as well.

I have A LOT of changes coming up...ie: Weight loss surgery, moving, parents moving, Jared moving, new jobs, money changes, getting rid of my doggies :( , a new relationship, and other things.

So in ALL of this... I am having to remember, always set out to be the happy girl you were meant to be! Trust God, go to Him with EVERYTHING...and I wont go wrong! :)

Here are some pics from Chris's and I's date this past Friday...

Our First "couples picture"

Where we had out picnic lunch

Chris being cute

Showing off the beautiful lake

At the fair, in the petting zoo

Didn't...THINK...we would be scared...

but we were scared...haha...a quick smile

fruit...so yummy!

Sporting his new wig!

This bunny was SO soft!