Daddy's Heart Attack

Where do I begin? I have so many thoughts, concerns, feelings, emotions, pains, etc. going on that I don't even know why I am writing on here. But, I feel like this will help me sort through some of the emotions that I have experienced over the past 48 hours or so.

First off let me start with a brief history of dad's heart. In the past ten years he has had 2 open heart surgeries and 12 (now 14) heart caths done and several stints. About a week ago he went in for his anual stress test and the test didn't come out good. He was scheduled for a heart cath for Dec. 2 and was told to go on about life as normal until then.

Sunday evening Dad was ready to go back to New Orleans so that he could be there early Monday. Just so happens mom went with him. They arrived at the apartment, went about their business, got ready for bed, and once in bed he started coughing. He told mom he was having one of his "episodes" meaning that his chest was just tight like it had been several times over the past two weeks. Within a few mins, he was up, coughing more, getting sick and mom called an ambulance. Thankfully, the apartment we have is only 2 blocks from one of the best medical schools/hospitals. They determined for sure it was a heart attack and he was taken for a heart cath. Nothing much came from that. For some reason they tried to say there were no blockages and that they would run test to determine the cause of the heart attack (first red flag...how can you have a attack with no blockage?) Dad was on a respirator and there were no answers coming forth that were in any way satisfying. Monday was the worst day of my life. It took him a while to become sedated, I was sick of hearing from all of these "medical students", I was sick of people being so loud, I was scared, I hated seeing him so uncomfortable, I hated the feeling...period. It was so long. I felt like it would never end. I cried a lot, and yet tried to stay strong... but I didnt know what else to do. I didnt know how to handle this. This was so scary. Thankfully our neighbors, Lori and Danny, drove Jared and I up to new Orleans as soon as we were told so they were with us to. I was fed up with having no answers, so was mom and Lori...so Lori pretty much made it to where a doctor (the MAIN doc) had to come and talk to mom by the end of that day. Shortly after making the complaint, he showed up. Dont ask me his name because they are all foreign and wonderful, but I can't say or spell any of the names, the only one i can remember is "Dr.B"...but i'll get to him shortly. So we were finally given some ANSWERS, they just were not the exact answers we wanted to hear. Turns out, dad did have blockages (duh!) and they had to get in there quick. To make a long and emotional story short (because I am starting to get weary writing all of this, im gonna move forward quickly, may leave out a lot of small details and time lines etc, just bear with me please!) Later that night dad went into cath and came out with new stents and thankfully NO heart pump (that was a possibility). He was still on respirator. Throughout the night he spiked a fever and continued to stay on respirator but his EKG was looking pretty good. In the procedure they found that there was a lot of damage and his heart is very diseased. Doctors pretty much told us there would be no more "repairing" of this heart and then referred and transferred us to the "heart transplant specialist team" of Tulane University. (we were told later on by a lady who's husband had a heart transplant that usually you can not even get into this hospital for heart conditions without referral...aren't we lucky we didn't have to have one!!! Talk about God! We moved right on in!) So our next step is to check out timelines yada yada yada about a heart transplant.

This morning they started to wing dad off of his sedation. I won't go into the hardships of today, they will only make me cry. It was rough emotionally today...not as bad as yesterday, but when the strong man of your house is upset...Oh Lord, okay I need to stop. The goal though was to get him off the respirator by the afternoon! And did God come through!!! At around 3:40, after hours of anticipation and being uncomfortable were coming to an end. They removed the respirator. He was able to breath on his own!!! He was so ready for that. That tube was really bothering him. When I left he was drinking and talking very little...but building strength.

We still have a long road. A very uncertain road.

Again, I apologize for not being more in detail. A LOT happened that I am just not ready to go into. I dont even think dad realizes just yet how much danger he was/is in. My biggest fear is that he will suffer. I pray he never will.

Dad's first comment today after the tubes being taken out was "water, happy halloween"...haha. He was a month off but it was so good to hear him speak!! I was able to kiss him on the cheek and hug on him a little. It was such a comfort. He also didn't realize how long he had been "out". We explained a little to him but I think my mom, doc and him and going to talk more to update him. For the moment we are enjoying him...his talking, being awake, breathing, and becoming stronger.

I can not tell those of you who have been praying and supporting us, how thankful we are enough!!! You just do not know. We have had MANY blessings and are SOOOO thankful for them and we praise God even in our tragic time. If you are facebook friends with me, go back and read my post...a lot of the updates were put on there.

Major blessings that were what I believe Gods way of making a path for us: Mom was with him. Two blocks from hospital. Best heart care hospital around the south apparently. The heart transplant specialist team and needing no referral!!! Having an apartment near to rest in. Having our family (dads brother and sister-in-law) having Lori, Danny, and Edwin (dad's boss). One more BIG BIG blessing that I can not speak of right now...because its a surprise. :) You guys will know soon! 

Please keep praying. Thank you so so so so so so so much! We love you alllll!

I PRAY WE NEVER AGAIN HAVE TO GO THROUGH THIS!!!!! This has been tragic! But GOD IS FAITHFUL AND TRUE!!!!!!!!!!!

For The Love of More Pictures!

As most of you know I am just in love with pictures. I just can't get enough of them. I went up to see Chris's mom and brother this past weekend and got the pictures of Chris and I from Perdido Key that were taken on her camera...and I love them. I went through and picked out my favorites. I think my honey is so handsome! hehe. I know i'm pitiful, but I miss him tons! I can not wait to see him again this week. I need his big arms to hold me and comfort me...he is so good at that.

Semi's, Stress, Money, Love...ETC.

Talk about LIFE! Really... Living Indecisively For Ever. Ha Ha. Just kidding. I really just came up with that but I dont really think I am going to live my life indecisively forever. But, who knows. So money these days is REALLY tight. I am so ready to get a new job and move on with life. Being that is is the holidays, I love to buy for others and being that money is very low, I can't. Therefore a depressive state comes in. I do not see myself being depressive, just anxious I guess. I will be glad when one day my money troubles are over. Onto another subject, my dad went to have another stress test the other day and it didn't come back to well. In the past 10 years he has had 12 caths and 2 open heart surgeries. We may be possibly looking at a 3rd surgery soon... Lord I pray not. I can only continue to pray for my dad... I love him so, so, so much.

Semi's...hehe. I finally had the chance to see my boyfriend after a few weeks of him being gone on the road for a few hours last night. Although it wasn't a long visit, I wouldn't have traded those few hours for anything. It was so good to see him. It was also neat to see and be inside a semi truck for the first time. They are actually really cool. I wouldn't mind traveling in one for a little while. Hopefully soon I will be able to go with him.

I asked him to show me how a 6'9 man sleeps in a twin bed. LOL

I thank God for all of the good that he is bringing into my life and all of the blessings that he has given me. I also thank him for the trials and tribulations. Although they are hard to get through, all things in Him are good. I know God has me and I know that he loves me. I know he will not let me down....I have to not let Him down. He says "ask and you shall receive". Im asking for peace, boldness, clarity, strength, patience, and abundant life. God is soooooo good.

My Day With Habitat For Hummanity

Me in my hard hat :)

This past Saturday I went and worked with a large group of people (thanks to the invite of a good friend) on a house that HFH was building. I got there and was actually kinda nervous because I didn't know what to expect. But once some people that I knew showed up and the show got on the road I started to really enjoy myself. I have been on building teams before, but that was in Mexico in like 2006. Throughout the day however, I began to realize just how much I loved doing stuff like this and started telling myself I need to do this more often. I worked with Carlis and Daniel on the table saw, stripping down plywood for most of the morning. Then help put the roof of a porch up, then the upper under side of the roof area of the porch and one side of the house that afternoon with Markel and Daniel. Wood chips flew in my face, my hands got splinters, got hit in the head with plywood (thank you God for your shield and hard hats!), was scared to use a nail gun (yet shooting shotguns are nothing to me..haha), but in all of this I had some wonderful fellowship and it felt so good to do something besides sit around and waste a Saturday. God can use us in so many ways to do great things. I have decided that I am going to devote one day a week while I am not working to helping out building these houses. I talked to the man in charge and he said that a lot of the time during the week they have very few helpers but are over loaded on Saturdays. So I am going to put in my time. When I start working again, I still want to put in time...just maybe a few days a month. I LOVED it. I loved being apart of a project like that. I encourage everyone to go out and do something nice for someone else! God is soooo good!

I promise I helped do this haha...just had to stop to take a quick pic. The guys worked so hard though! The Red hatted one holding the plywood is Carlis and the one to his left in the white hat is Daniel. (Two of my buds)

Part of the inside of the house

Roofing! The guy with the orange hat ON the roof is Markel.

Markel holding up plywood bravely while Daniel uses the nail gun. LOL

Lucy...God Has You

I have not been able to really sit down and think about all that has happened in the past few days...and here I am almost midnight on a Tuesday night...thinking.

First off let me say, God is pure awesome. I do not know of another word that I can use to describe Him right now. There are a millions ways to describe Him...but awesome fits for now. We had the "The Great Awakening" conference at our church this past week with the Rodney Howard Browne ministries and Pastor Daniel Mcghee came to Mobile and preached Wed-Fri on going out, winning souls, having a hungry heart, being what God has called us to be. I craved being there each night. I loved hearing the WORD. I loved hearing things from the Bible. He spoke truth and I loved it. Even though I read my Bible, I do not do it everyday, and this past week helped me realize how much I was missing it every day. We actually crave the Word of God. I was so eager to get there each night because I was being fed. And boy, did my life transform.

I realized new things about myself and am new. God gave me visions and new dreams. He blessed me...Reminded me of how much he LOVES me! It felt so good. I was in His presence and it was like being wrapped up in HUGE arms, warm and comfortable, like a baby, held and prayed over. Jesus prays over us! That thought alone brings me to a place that I can not describe.

I pray everyone feels what it is like to be "drunk" on the Holy Ghost and be in the arms of Jesus.

And I knew I was doing right...when the attacks started to come. The devil was mad...hahahahahaha. So what! He doesn't like it when we are sold out for God. He will use any and everything to sway us. I have made up my mind to do nothing without Jesus though. Ya know, I was texting a friend of mine today and was talking about satan and Jesus...and I was amazed when I realized this...That when I typed out "God", my auto correct on text changed it to "god" (lower caps), then when I tried to type "satan" (lower caps) it automatically changed it to "Satan" (upper caps)!!! I was like OH MY GOODNESS! Even my cell phone is corrupt!!! I have a issue with upper capping someones name who tries to make my life worthless because I live in the arms of Jesus!

Since Saturday, I have been battling different situations, emotions, unnecessary hurts...
But when I let God in all my fears subside. I have had issues with "feeling guilty" when I have done nothing wrong, but the words of people put thoughts in my head. I have to go into everyday with God on my mind so that these "words" cannot hurt me like they used to. This was my facebook status Sunday...
 
Romans 8:1 "There is therefore now no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus, who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit."...Before judging or accusing, ASK for facts of a persons situation!

I FELT as if I was being condemned because satan was trying to attack me. But, I know who I am. I am a child of God. Therefore there is no condemnation in Him. I am loved and cherished. I am beautiful. I am special. I am cared for. I have a home in His arms. He is my guidance. He is my Savior.  


As you can see in the post below this one, I expressed a lot through artwork today. My heart has felt a lot over the past few days. I am not a drawing artist but I love photography, so I drew the best I could and then edited them with my pictures. Haha. But God can use all of our gifts in many ways! I felt broken and hurt...but God restored my heart to a bigger and better place. Sometimes our families, friends, churches, or even strangers can say or do things to make us feel "unloved", "unwanted", "forgotten",... and so on. But remember...

God Never Forgets Nor Forsakes Thee! 

Express Yourself!

The Cycle of My Heart....All In One Day

When looking at these pictures...I hope you see, get, and understand what I was portraying through them.
God bless!!

Mixed Emotions

I am blessed.
I am forgiven.
I am God's child, born again.
I am Holy.
I am set free.
I have a financial blessing on its way!
I am dead to sin.
I will bring those unsaved to Christ.
My inner spirtual beauty will show vibrantly!

Yet...
I miss Chris.
I worry about him being gone.
I worry about my family.
Health.
Weight.

But In The Name Of JESUS.... Glory to God!

Worry About The KINGDOM GROWTH...Not Chruch Growth

Last night was the first night of The Great Awakening event at my church with Pastor Daniel McGee, whom is from Tampa, FL. out of the Rodney Howard Browne Ministries (revival ministries). First off let me tell you about worship. I felt so good up there. Those of us on the worship team had a chance to sit there and focus on where we needed to be in order to usher in the worship. The music sounded wonderful to my ears. The third song was a little shaky but mainly because it was the first night that we had ever sung that song and hadn't had a chance to practice it. But still, all in all, worship was exactly what it needed to be.

Pastor McGee started talking on having the "hungry heart" and starving to know more about God and starving to have the power to heal, evangelize...etc. That when we have true faith...we have works that follow it up.
Matthew 5: 6 "Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled."
He went into the Book of Acts. How this book should be the operation of the church. We still have the power that is available to us by God. Acts 1: 8 "But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes on you and you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem, and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the ends of the earth!" As in Matthew, Mark, Luke, John, and Acts...we are called to "Demonstrate that Jesus is alive!" We are to seek the Holy fire of God. Matthew 3:11 " I baptize you with water for repentance. But after me will come one who is more powerful than I, whose sandals I am not fit to carry. He will baptize you with the Holy Spirit and with fire. His winnowing fork is in his hand, he will clear his threshing floor, gathering his wheat into the barn and burning up the chaff with unquenchable fire." Meaning this: Open your heart up to the Lord and all those things of the world, those stresses, the hurts, pain, anger, evil...all of it, he will come in and BURN it all out with UNQUENCHABLE FIRE! For there you will be set free!

About the anointing... ALL of us can have it! It is meant for EVERYONE! God is not a choosy God, he is not looking for millions do go, he is looking for a small group...at this time, and the more we go and save, the more those will go and save...2 turn into to 200, 200 turn into 2000, 2000 turn into 2 million....The numbers will turn with one person taking the first step. Will you be that person for your area? Will you be that person for your city? Will you be that person even for your family? Luke 4: 16-19 "The Spirit of the Lord is on me, because he has anointed me to preach good news to the poor. He has sent me to proclaim freedom for the prisoners and recovery of sight for the blind, to release the oppressed, to proclaim the year of the Lord's favor." This same anointing that Jesus is talking about here is the same that we can also have. The anointing comes on the church for the same purpose it came to Jesus. It is for all of us, not just ministers and pastors...etc.

When do churches stop worrying about what size building they have, how many cameras they have to RECORD, how many chairs to have available, what sound system to use... When do churches stop and listen, and GET out there for God. It is about the growth of the KINGDOM...nothing else. Remember...YOU are the church. So this is talking to us as individuals just as well as groups of people. You are RESPONSIBLE because the Lord said, "go yee, unto alllll the world!"

A lot of people will tell you that these supernatural works are not needed anymore and that we dont practice them...But read it. New Testament states we can have the power. And the church will rise!

If you are not saved and want to be saved...and its IN YOUR HEART! Recite this:
" Dear Lord Jesus, come into my heart. Forgive me of my sin. Wash me and cleanse me. Set me free. Jesus, thank you that you died for me. I believe that you are risen from the dead and that you are coming back again for me. Fill me with the Holy Spirit. Give me a passion for the lost, a hunger for the things of God and a holy boldness to preach the gospel of Jesus Christ. I am saved! I am born again, I am forgiven and I am on my way to Heaven because I have Jesus in my heart."

Because you made a decision to be saved, all of your sins are forgiven. Always remember to run TO GOD and not FROM GOD because He loves you and has a great plan for your life!!!

Time Doesn't Wait On You

I just got finished watching the movie "The Rite". Very interesting movie to say the least. However, it went along with the conversation between Tha' DAP last night at our bible study. We were talking about demonic forces and how they effect us today and how they walk the earth and what their shapes and forms are. I believe there is a spiritual warfare still going on, has been going on, and will continue to go on. Satan will always try to get to you, to take over your soul...but it is up to you whether or not you open the doors for him to bust through with excitement because you are weak in a area. I know what an attack feels like. It happens often. Satan is always going to try and sway you, he will lie to you, tell you things are going to be okay when they aren't.

But God... He will save you from lies, deceit, pain, fear, shadows, HELL.... He battles for you everyday in spiritual warfare!

A lot of people that I talk to run from God because they know they have to give up a lifestyle that they may have lived for most of their lives. I can understand where it is hard to let go of something that you are used to and that you have known forever...but if they just get one sweet taste of the Holy Spirit, it puts a hunger in them they eventually they will no longer be able to ignore anymore. God feels good, when he breaths on you, it feels like your falling into a huge open ocean and cool water is rushing over you. (many may describe it differently, but its still a feeling of unspeakable joy, comfort, greatness)

I remember the first time that I really felt Holy Fire. I have been in special places with God before then, but this was a total surrender on my part, I completely let the Holy Spirit take over my entire being, and it was a feeling that I have NEVER felt before. I remember never wanting to come out of it, but when I did, I was exhausted! Literally exhausted. My body had just experienced something so powerful that I was ready to sleep. My body was tired...but my spirit was on fire, it was yearning to have more...I would be that exhausted 24/7 just to stay in that place. When we operate in that all the time...when we wake up and eat, drink, breath, think, and live God, our lives are transformed into something glorious. And when we can live like that, others see it on you, they want it to. I'm not saying that being a Christian is easy. I'll be one of the first to tell you that it isnt. You will face challanges all the time. Why? Because when you gave your life to God...You made satan VERY angry. He does just like most people do when they are angry...they seek revenge and want to hurt you. So he will attack in all kinds of ways...you have to keep pushing and know God has already won the war for you. As Chrisitans we are to be Christ like. One of our biggest goals should be to bring EVERYONE to Christ. When the thought of someone not going to Heaven gets to your mind, you should feel so saddened! It breaks my heart to know that not everyone will make it to Heaven. But what am I doing to change that? We are all called to evangilize in some sort of way. This does not mean that you will be a missionary to Africa, the US, or that you will work in a homeless ministry, or that you will take grocries for elderly people to their houses...or that you will prech, sing, and be an elder in the church. Working for God can be being a teacher in a public school system, and being a positive outlook for those children. It can be being the foster mom to those kids who never had a safe and christian home. We show God off in all that we do. We either promote Him or demote Him...Which are you doing in your everyday actions?

Are you saved? Will you go to Heaven? Are you doing all you could do?

Time doesn't wait on you... Get Saved. Bring others to God. Promote Him. Follow his ways...
Time doesn't wait on you...

Jesus Died For YOU...

The Lu-Cave

I don't think I have ever shared with you all my "lu-cave". LOL. We call it that because it used to be my dad's man cave. Poor dad. We take over everything...but no, he let me move out there. Hehe. I love it! Its like my own small apartment. Its separate from their house but close enough to still be "at home". I still have my independence, which is awesome. Sadly, I won't be here much longer, less than a year. But, we are all on to bigger and better things. Praise God! When dad first started on this room is was a big open room, cement floors, wood panel walls, and shelves all over the back wall. Since then, he has sheet rocked the walls, built a nice bathroom, put hard wood floors in, crown molding on the ceiling, got rid of the popcorn ceiling, painted and added all the water pumps, heater, air, etc. and hookups for when the kitchen goes in. It will have a fully functioning kitchen when it is all finished. That is the only thing it lacks. But I have been living out there approx 6 months now and I love it! Just showing off my decoration and my dad's handy work! I REALLY wish i had pics of how it looked before...if I stumble across any Ill put them up!

Bed Area

I love this piece of furniture and my book case

Living room area

Entertainment

This is where the kitchen will be. Right now its my closet/fridge/microwave etc. area

That door goes into the bathroom. Which is fully funtioning with a sink, toilet and a wonderful corner circle shower all glass. :)

Shampoo...?

I went to buy new shampoo today because the last shampoo I bought made my hair to oily and I was out of my good stuff. After I got back from the store, I realized how many shampoo's I actually use. Most of my bottles are empty now, and which I have now thrown them away...but I can't seem to find the ONE shampoo brand that I just LOVE. Probably because I can not afford the $15-$30 bottles that they sell in the salons but rather Suave Pro, Herbal Essences or TRESmme...yada yada...sometimes. Haha.

One day I won't have to worry about money...I claim it to be soon in the name of Jesus! :)

All my bottles... LEFT lol

Newest tryout for this week...