Becoming Your Own

Life will always have its ups and downs, but the downs with a person you care most for are always the worst. When your heart goes from happy to sad in two seconds, when the fear that was never there sets in, when the conversations you had are at risk of being lost, when the chance of seeing and holding that person is taken away, when what you thought was "it" becomes a question... These are the downs that hurt the worst, but are usually the fastest to move on from, if and when things turn out for the good. I realize that every relationship has issues. I have had my share for sure. I was practically engaged to a guy and thought I would be spending the rest of my life with him when it all fell apart. But crazy enough, I did not hurt as much as I thought I would. I guess it may have helped that I was the one walking away and not being hurt. In all of my relationships, I have been the one walking away, and hadn't felt the direct hurt of being walked away from. I got a little taste of it and its enough to kill someone. Sometimes we meet people that are incredibly different than us, our families, our friends...people that we have not even thought about becoming like, because we have never seen or have been surrounded with their ways and thoughts. But when we do meet them, we are taken in by them because our minds (curiosity) carries us into a realm of wanting to know the "unknown". We tend to want to learn how to be more like them. Example, when you are a person that is sensitive to issues in life, heart matters, and destruction, and you meet a person that faces life with more of a "reality" aspect, and lets issues roll off their shoulders and is always content because they dont let the stresses of life get to them...you tend to want to know how and why it is, and how they can act in that on a daily basis. I believe that every person needs someone "not like them" to help balance out in life. Truth is, most of us are direct products of our families, and however they are "emotionally" is how we become. Some though, are lucky enough to actually find their own, before they are to old. But those of us that do not have that opportunity, it isn't at fault of one person, your family, friends, etc...but when you see an opportunity to learn different ways of thinking, being open to it can sometimes be a challenge.  I am currently having to learn to be open minded more towards a "different" way of thinking than I have had my whole life. In relationships, I have always been this person who was very kind hearted, almost to the point that I was walked over a lot, the person that always "did for", the more sensitive one, sometimes more quite when situations were not comfortable, and most always the first to say "sorry" even if I didn't do anything wrong. I do not like tight or uncomfortable situations. I can't stand it when there is no peace. But, its not always "healthy" to be like that. People get used to you letting them treat you a certain way, and that will only open doors to your heart always being broken, your emotional stability to be shaken, and the weights on you to never be lifted. You should not be the only one to feel pain. Now, please do not get my wrong, I am not saying just start lashing out at people! There are ways to let someone know how you really feel in a good way, that will also get your point across, but will also leave both of you in a "healthy" relationship situation. I have learned a lot from my current situation...and those things play in the back of my mind. But knowing them and acting on them are two very different things. I am struggling to "show" that I have learned new ways of dealing with issues, because for almost 22 years, it has been the same way. But I am also becoming my own person, not just someone who is a product of her parents. However, It is learning and taking on the role in life of what I will accept, perform like, tolerate, cherish, value, my own and new moral thoughts, how I live and work...etc. It is okay for me to be a little different. But there again, knowing and doing are different. Just like "faith without works is no good"..."knowing and not doing are no good".

I realize that this whole post has been kinda all over the place...but I am saying this because sometimes in relationships you may be with that person that is the total opposite of you. It is not always easy either. You each have to learn to "deal" with each others way of thinking and processing information in life. They will not always be able to agree or even understand. But, it is okay to be like this. In the end, if the relationship is supposed to go forward, you will learn to embrace, understand, and take in the way each of you handles life situations including your own relationship.

Important things...always listen, always make it a point to cherish each other, be there for each other, put your relationship before other "friendships or relationships". When you fight, make up quickly, don't let it sit and stir up more emotion. Be open and honest, sometimes, for those like myself, listening to the "brutally" honest words can really hurt, but be open about them and dont take them so hard to heart, like I have apparently done in the past. Live, laugh, love, and enjoy life together... Laughter, touches, hugs...are all good medicines to making it better. Never forget the things that brought the two of you together. Before letting something go, examine your deep feelings, not just the feelings that have come to you over night because of a particular situation or hurt. When your partner is ready to talk...be there. Even when its uncomfortable....

A strong love can make it through anything...remember your love through all circumstances.