In The Middle of This Summer

I really hate that I don't seem to have time to just sit and write on here anymore. Work has certainly kept me busy. As you all know... it's summer! Woo-hoo. For most people this means beaches, pools, vacations, late nights, roof top parties, etc. For me, it's going to bed at 9 or 10, waking up at 6, going to the gym, working all day taking pictures of seniors, coming home and going to bed to do it all over again. With the weekly visit to church and maybe a outing with a friend or two. Ok, so I shouldn't make it sound like I have done 'nothing' fun. :)

I have been able to experience a few new things this summer. I have been in Memphis over a year now, actually a year and a half, and still have yet to go and experience a lot that Memphis has to offer. Over the past two months I have gone to Mud Island, The Zoo, Metro 67, Beale St., and explored downtown. All of which I have enjoyed! I also went over Memorial Day weekend to Alabama for a family reunion on my dad's side of the family then over the 4th spent several days in Oklahoma with my mom's parents. I have certainly had a lot to smile about. I also visited a different church, The Body, a co-worker of mine goes there. Not that I am leaving Life Fellowship... I love it there. It's just really nice to interact with people more my age sometimes.

I have learned that I really like Imagine Dragons. Don't know who they are? Well they are a singing group. Ha. Their sound has become very appealing to me. I still can never get enough of some good worship too though. My latest favorite has been "You Are For Me" by Kari Jobe. You should listen to it! Its an awesome reminder at who God is for US!

Have I mentioned lately how much God loves me? He must. Some days I wonder if He really does. But then I realize I am still alive... and alive to trust and praise Him through all things.

Here are some pics over this summer!

Catching up- Crazy Love 3

Oh how I have missed writing in my blog! My work schedule has been very crazy over the past several weeks and I have neglected my typing. However, it's a beautiful day today and I am sitting outside of starbucks and happy to be writing again. I have always loved spending a few hours of my afternoons off enjoying the sun, a nice frappe, and my blog. 

As of last night, I am supposed to be on Ch. 8 of Crazy Love. I must say, its an amazing book. I have not been as faithful over the past two weeks to read it but the discussions on Sunday nights are always good. Over the next few days I will write on chapters 3-7 and catch up! 

Breakdown of the high points for me- Ch. 3:

Fearing God vs. reverent intimacy. Being in total fear of God can be bad. In my opinion. It's like a child always being scared of their parent or a bully at school. Sometimes when we say "Fear God" people read that as if we are truly terrified and that God is some mean man that just hits us with rules. I don't see it that way at all. My fear for him is more of a respect. I fear his wrath, yes, but respect his rules as I do my earthy father. Francis Chan says it very well in this chapter... " Fear is no longer the word I use to describe how I feel about God. Now I use words like reverent intimacy. I still fear God, and I pray that I always will. The Bible emphasizes the importance of fearing God.- But for a long time, I narrowly focused on His fearsomeness to the exclusion of his great and abounding love." I love how he puts that last statement. We sometimes let the "fear of fearing" over power how much He truly loves us and wants to have a deep relationship with us. "The God who loves us, and wants us to love Him back!" Ahh I love that part of the book. He desires us to love him. He yearns for us to come after Him like he comes after us. The whole thought of God longing for ME that was just takes my breath away. Sometimes I catch myself longing for a physical touch or word. I have even begged God to show himself to me in some way. A few nights ago I woke up in the middle of the night and opened facebook and the first thing that I saw was a video post with a song by Kari Jobe. I listened to it. It's been a while since I have really spent time with worship music. And it turned into a all night thing. I laid in bed playing music and singing and just embracing the feeling that I had realized I had missed so much. I closed my eyes and felt as if I was in the arms of Jesus. And was it chilling! 

I don't know about you, but I can't wait to get to Heaven and actually be in His arms! Later on in the book Chan writes "The irony is that while God doesn't need us but still wants us, we desperately need God but don't really want Him most of the time." That statement is so true. We need God in EVERY aspect of our lives yet choose to push him away as if we don't need Him. Then some people might ask "why would a loving God force me to love Him?" But are we really forced? Some might say "God threatens me with hell and punishment if I don't begin a relationship with him." Fact is... we are not forced to love God. Its a choice we all will either choose to do or not to do. Loving Him and loving what He can do are two different things as well. To everyone, the blessing that God bestows on us are wonderful and well taken. But do you love Him only for those blessings? "Are you in love with God who is everything, or are you in love with everything He gives you?"-F. Chan. I can honestly say that looking back on my life I can see where both and neither have been my mindset. Times where I have been completely in love with God. Times where I sit and beg God for a blessing but don't do live our the life He has asked me to. Then there are times where I have just forgotten Him altogether. What did I expect then? 

Think a few moments on your thoughts of what a "crazy love" with God would mean for you and your life. This is one thing that I still struggle with daily. Some days are much better than others. I have ups and downs and days where I can't feel God at all. It doesn't mean that He isn't there though. 

Anxious Mind.

Hello again! I am sitting at Starbucks once again, sitting here thinking and so much is swimming through my mind. As I sit here and watch the 6 people in here with me, I wonder what God has going on in each of their lives. One of which is actually the pastor at my church, Patrick. He is busying himself writing and focusing so hard on what he is doing... If only that man knew how much he has impacted me the past few months.

Last night our small group met at Landon and Rachel's and we discussed Ch.2 of Crazy Love. If you have read the book or possibly even my last blog entry you kinda know what we were talking about. I have to say hearing the different storeies and outlooks on life from so many different people and being able to open up about personal struggles is very enlightening. In Ch.2 of the book the biggest thing that stuck out to me is where Francis Chan talks about anxiety. I touched on this in my last entry but I want to expound on it some more. So many times in my life, actually to be honest, just about every day at some point, anxiety or some stressful though takes over my mind in some way. I shared this with the group last night... I have a really hard time waiting and not worrying about the promises God has already promised me. I have a hard time just letting things "be". So in that, I bring more stress onto myself. I don't mean to. I don't want to. But I do. Some of my latest struggles have been with finances (becoming completely debt free, which I am WELL on my way), relationships including not only romantic but friendships as well, prospering at work and wondering if I am really giving it all I can (even when I know I am working my hardest and longest and all), my relationship with God, my family, even something so small as worrying every morning if my car is going to start when I go out to go to work. I'm always worried I am going to forget something or overlook something important. I put a lot of pressure on myself... and truth is, I don't have to. But how do I learn to totally let go and let God? I say that to people all the time. In fact, I also tell people that stressing won't do them any good. Humm... I guess that makes me a hypocrite. God provides us with a way to live a happy life. It's the world that leads us to believe that we can't. I will never forget the time I was downtown Mobile talking with some homeless men and the smiles that came across their face and the belief that they had that no matter what God would take care of them. Now we all know they worried about things... but it was that they professed all the time that they would be taken care of and finding joy in that! And look at me... I have a home, a car, a great job, great family, all the means I need to survive... and I can't sit back and just bask in the fact that God will take care of me. In every way. 

But... I WANT to. And I can. And with Gods help... I will. Its a every day struggle. But the most awesome part is that God knows that, see's it, and wants to help. I just have to always call out on him. I don't have to worry. Now, I do have to move and make choices and be active on things that can cause worry and make sure I keep up... I can't just stand dormant. However, if I follow and listen, God will lead me down the right path. 

Funny... I am listening to my music while typing this and "Jesus your my firm foundation" just came on... and the song right after is "It's all right"... man God is good. 

**Learning to Live Daily With Gods Guidance**

Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about you. 1 Peter 5:7

Crazy Love- Thoughts on Ch. 2

Those words..."You Might Not Finish This Chapter..."

Have you ever really thought about it? Not just about not finishing a chapter, but how about not finishing your coffee? Not finishing giving your child a bath? Not finishing that last bite of homemade cheesecake? Not finishing telling you spouse you love them...?

After reading ch. 2 I felt really blessed to still be breathing but also knew the importance (reminded) in every breath I take and how every breath is a gift and I should be using every breath for bring Glory to God. That seems so small and little so much of the time in our daily lives! Don't ya think? We wake up, take a shower, eat breakfast, do our hair, brush our teeth, makeup, dress, pack our belongings, walk to the car, drive to work, work 8 hours, drive home, cook dinner, change clothes, watch some tv, brush our teeth, climb into bed, say a quick prayer, and go to sleep. To only wake up 8 hours later and do it all over again. How many times during that day did you glorify God? How many times did you stop to say thank you? How many times did you make everything you did...not about you? 

We take SO much for granted in this life. We as humans act as if we know when and how life works and moves around us. Not! In Ch.2 Francis Chan explains it as like a movie. You are a extra in the movie and feel and act as if you are the star. Your face is barely shown for two seconds and yet you talk, act, and believe that you are the star. Just like in this movie, we do the same in the "movie of life". Instead of knowing, believing, and acting as if God is the main character, director, and writer, we put Him to the side and try to take over.

I will admit. I can be the worlds worst at taking things for granted!! I have gone days, maybe even weeks before underestimating God. I have put my problems and circumstances before God so many times! 

The following passage hit me like a brick when I read it!- "When I am consumed by my problems- stressed out about my life, my family, my job- I actually convey the belief that I think the circumstances are more important than God's command to always rejoice. In other words, that I have a 'right' to disobey God because of the magnitude of my responsibilities."- Francis Chan. Wow, talk about a slap in the face! Especially mine! So many days of my life were/are wasted worrying, crying, over thinking circumstances in my life and forgetting to rejoice! 

My mother has always been a advocate for rejoicing even when the bad days come along. She has always told me to "grab the sink and thank God for it". I used to smirk when she said it and kinda pushed it to the back of my mind... Until one day, shortly after moving here to the Memphis area and having a breaking point, I grabbed onto my car steering wheel and continually thanked God for it and rejoiced in Him for all that I had in Him at that moment in time instead of letting my circumstances over take me any longer. (Thanks mom for the great advice). 

I still however, to this day, forget these small things. But put forth effort to do better! 

Phil. 4:4 "Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again; Rejoice!" After inserting this into ch.2 Chan goes on to say..."You'll notice that it doesn't end with...'unless you're doing something extremely important.' No, it's a command for all of us, and it follows with the charge, 'Do not be anxious about anything!'"

Do not be anxious? WHAT! Oh my, how do I even do that!? I am an anxious person. Honestly. Things weigh on my bad. But its commanded to me that I am not anxious. This is seriously hard for me. Great example of a time where I have to come outside my comfort zone, rejoice in God, praise Him, and ask him continually to help me give all my worries to Him and let Him guide me. This is A EVERYDAY CHALLENGE for me... almost a every minuet of my day challenge. 

I have to make the choice to pray about it, seek God in my hard times, and thank Him, and rejoice in Him in good and bad. 

I want to live like the words written by Brooke Bronkowski in a essay titled "Since I have My Life Before Me". Most of you may have heard of her story... but here is what she wrote before being killed in a accident at a young age.

"I’ll live my life to the fullest. I’ll be happy. I’ll brighten up. I will be more joyful than I have ever been. I will be kind to others. I will loosen up. I will tell others about Christ. I will go on adventures and change the world. I will be bold and not change who I really am. I will have no troubles but instead help others with their troubles.

You see, I’ll be one of those people who live to be history makers at a young age. Oh, I’ll have moments, good and bad, but I will wipe away the bad and only remember the good. In fact that’s all I remember, just good moments, nothing in between, just living my life to the fullest. I’ll be one of those people who go somewhere with a mission, an awesome plan, a world-changing plan, and nothing will hold me back. I’ll set an example for others, I will pray for direction.

I have my life before me. I will give others the joy I have and God will give me more joy. I will do everything God tells me to do. I will follow the footsteps of God. I will do my best!!!"- B. Bronkowski

Oh to learn to live like that! 

Praise God your breathing. Change your daily routine. Live it for Him and Him only. 

Crazy Love- Thoughts on Ch. 1

This so far has been a very intriguing book. Yes, I have only read the pre log and the first chapter but, as I am trying to wait and read a chapter a week to go along with our small group, its so hard to not pull it out and keep on reading. I got home last night after reading chapter "Stop Praying" and had a lot of thoughts running in and out of my head. I thought to myself about how someone who does not see God as I do might view what was said in the chapter about how he created things to give praise to Him, He is all fair and just, He decides punishments for sin, He is the all knowing, Mighty king... Wouldn't He seem kind of controlling, which in these days is a bad thing to most people. Please note that while I let these thoughts go through my mind, I do not view God in this context. I think because of the way we as humans have made the world it is so hard for us to grasp who God really is and how He really intended for us to receive him. For instance, if you were not a believer, how would you take this statement: " I sometimes struggle with how to properly respond to God's magnitude in a world bent on ignoring or merely tolerating Him. But know this: God will not be tolerated. He instructs us to worship Him and fear Him!"- Crazy Love. 

What would one think of the part... "He wont be tolerated and he tells us to worship him and fear him?" Isn't this exactly what we run from in 'today's' world? 

Just food for thought. However, in the book Francis Chan goes on to great explanation and I love when he says, " Don't we instead live as if God was CREATED FOR US, to do our bidding, to bless us, and to take care of our loved ones? Psalm 115:3 reveals, "Our God is in heaven, he does whatever pleases him." Yet we keep questioning him: "Why did you make me with this body and not that one?" " Why are so many people dying of starvation?" " Why don't you make yourself more obvious to the people who need you?" The answer to each of these questions is simply this (and its the answer we all hate, sort of like hearing your mom said "because I said so") But, because HE is GOD. He has more of a right to ask us why so many people ar starving. As much as we want God to explain himself to us, His Creation, we are in no place to demand that He give an account to us."-Crazy Love

This goes back to we as humans and those who are not believers questioning what kind of God he really is. We compare him to human personalities. If you were to meet a friend at a coffee shop and he/she acted as though you should never question them, they are always right, yada yada, we wouldn't hang out with them much would we? BUT... look at this... can your friend make a world? Make galaxies  Can your friend heal diseases? Can your friend give and take away (more so than your money or sanity)? Can your friend count all the hairs on your head or know exactly how you are feeling in your heart? 

Even as a christian when I read the following passage out of the book I was kinda set back and still for a moment. Take time and really read this and soak it in!

"Can you worship a God who isn't obligated to explain His actions to you? Could it be your arrogance that makes you think God owes you an explanation?"- Crazy Love 

Ouch? 

We as humans think we are invincible  We think we are always right. However, God created you in His image. A humble, loving, giving, joyful creature you were made to be. God is all-powerful. 

Colossians 1:16 "For by him all things were created: things in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or powers or rulers or authorities; all things were created by him and FOR him." 

We are made FOR God. Breath it in. He deserves your praise. You were not made for me, I was not made for you. He is worthy of all praise and worship because of what he has done (including making you), is doing, and will do. 

End of Thoughts. 

Starbucks Nights

It's another night at Starbucks! I am in a comfy chair tonight! Woo-hoo! I sometimes sit and observe people around me, people watch I guess you could say. It's amazing the stuff you can learn and hear from different people around you. For instance, there is an older couple in here tonight and I assume the man can't hear very well so they are practically yelling their conversation. Lol. As follows: Man-" what did you say?" Woman-" I said we need to take your belt back." Man-"why I'll loose the weight to fit it." Woman-"you've been 'loosing that weight' since you put on your last 30." HAHA. I couldn't help but smile. Now they are off to politics, I think I'll turn off my ears now. 

Meanwhile a table away from the older couple is a group of three college age students who are very immature. They are talking about smoking, vandalism, getting kicked out of class, and breakups. One girl is very loud and turned to the older man (whom I was talking about earlier, and whom is also exercising his rights to carry a gun on his hip, which none else has bothered to even think about) and said, "OMG do you have a gun!?!" He then replied, "mam, thats my business don't you think." Oh boy my heart skipped a small beat. She then went on to act like a rotten girl and acted out saying "well excuse me, I was just asking, oh my I don't feel safe anymore, I wanna go smoke...yada yada yada." Then the man said...verbatim, "That cigarette has a bigger chance of killing you than my gun." I applauded him! 

People crack me up! The world we live in today is just something else. 

Now that the college kids have gone the two older couple are laughing and talking to the employees here and I love seeing the positive interaction. 

Now, enough of sharing of the people watch, today has been a good but tiring day! I got home from work about 5 and passed out fairly quickly for a hour or so nap. I didn't even mean to but I guess I needed it. The rest of the week is going to be pretty busy so sleep will come sweetly. 

A lot has been going through my mind the past few days. I am starting a book called "Crazy Love" with my small group. I am excited about it and I hope it can help shape and grow my relationship with God over the next few weeks as we read through and discuss it. I am actually starting chapter one tonight. Its called "stop praying"... We will see what happens! 

I guess this is it for tonight... unless something brilliant crosses my mind :) 

For your people watching eyes! 

The Happy Lane of My Life

Why is it so hard for me to write often on this blog!? Lol. I always have stuff to say and express but it hardly ever ends up on here anymore. So many times I have really cool things to share as well but don't. It possibly has something to do with me not having internet at my home... however, as I am tonight, Starbucks is a pretty comfortable place to hang out!

I have been working a lot lately. So thankful that I love my job! Not to many people in today's world can say that much anymore. But its the truth on my part. I have come to really enjoy my coworkers, the environment, the work in itself, although sometimes challenging and repetitive. Photography is such a sweet understated and over used (by just anyone) art. Anyone and everybody can have a good eye, but the effort you put towards it can help create something magical. I see work all the time that I wish I could match! I can only practice and get better! 

Life in itself has been better to! I have been going to a new church called Life Fellowship! The pastor there named Patrick is just amazing! I am still learning to enjoy and gain from the worship but this particular pastor can grab and keep my attention on anything. And he actually teaches from the BIBLE! He is not just an inspirational speaker or a hell, fire, and brimstone type guy. I love it! I learn something deep every week. These past few and next couple of weeks he is doing a series on "Home Sweet Home". The family life... God's way. Although I do not have a husband or children yet it has helped me and encouraged me in so so many ways. It makes me even more excited for when I have a family! Its nice to sit back and see how God works in every small aspect of life. 

Still no romances yet. And I'm good with it! It has been almost a year, coming up in March, since I broke off my engagement so I figured it was okay to let myself out there again...but I am being **possibly** overly cautious! Sometimes shutting down their chances before they even get one... don't worry, I am working on that! lol. 

One of my instagram photos from today! Looks good huh!? lol. 

I have honestly been happy lately. I have been meeting new people through small groups at church, getting more involved in the beautiful outdoors, even looking into buying a trek bike to go biking! Also going hiking again very soon! I love beautiful weather and will never pass up a good chance to be outside (when its not awfully hot) and possibly get good pictures and create good memories! 

A few pictures from the past few weeks!-

Playing with Green screen at work! 

Family convo between my brother (top text), me(green text), and my mother (middle text)

Baking Cheesecake minis for the super bowl party! 

Dentist visit! Ouch! 

However, the dentist told me I was a good girl and good to go!

At Memorial Gardens exploring on my day off! I love doing this kind of stuff!

Lazy day at the studio... self portrait

I AM EXPECTING THE BEST OUT OF THIS LIFE! 

Favorite quote of the week: "My mother said to me, 'If you are a soldier, you will become a general. If you are a monk, you will become the Pope.' Instead I was a painter, and became Picasso."- Pabla Picasso